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Lonely Owen Smith spends evening purging Trots from own Facebook timeline

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Defeated Labour leadership contender Owen Smith has today spent a lonesome evening purging Trotskyite entryists from his own Facebook timeline, sources confirm.

“It’s absolutely right that we should be getting rid of people who do not share Labour values,” a dishevelled Mr Smith reportedly murmured into the air, unfriending a childhood friend whose profile sported an “I’m with Corbyn” twibbon. “We do not need that kind of Marxist-Leninist poison in our party.”

“Momentum is a party-within-a-party, and there are serious questions about whether it can continue to be welcome in Labour,” the MP for Pontypridd added, moaning the words softly to himself as he scoured an ex-partner’s timeline for evidence of support for the victorious incumbent, Islington North MP Jeremy Corbyn.

Mr Smith is believed to have sat at his terminal from 7PM  until 3 o’clock the following morning, becoming increasingly miserable and catatonic as he spent successive hours clicking “Hide” on hundreds of posts celebrating his rival’s re-election. Mr Smith was ultimately observed to have fallen asleep on his keyboard, still murmuring the phrases “unrepresentative of the country” and “a real problem with online abuse.”

At press time, there was no record of any of the purged individuals requesting to be readmitted to Mr Smith’s list of friends.

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