Moderate Republican only wants to ban 90% of Muslims


Donald_Trump_Laconia_Rally,_Laconia,_NH_4_by_Michael_Vadon_July_16_2015_20Rejecting Donald Trump’s plans as ‘unthinking racism’, Ben Carson has called for a moderate ban on just 90% of Muslims.

The rational compromise would allow up to 10% of the world’s 1.6 billion Muslims to exercise their human right to freedom of movement while applying a pragmatic totalitarian restriction to the rest.

“We have to come together and set aside the more extreme ideas that some people have been proposing,” said Carson. “If we don’t focus on sensible, achievable things like banning 90% of Muslims from visiting, even American Muslims coming back from holiday, we’re never going to progress.”

Jeb Bush condemned Carson’s plans as “unhinged”. “This talk of banning 90% of Muslims is crazy,” the Former Florida Governor explained. “Which is why I’m calling for completely sensible concentration camps for anybody with dark skin who doesn’t salute a police officer.”

“That includes plain-clothes police officers,” he added. “God bless America!”

Chris Christie, New Jersey Governor, said the 90% figure was a “ridiculous position”. “I’m not saying I know what the answer to our recent problems is, but it’s no more than a 60, 70% ban. Tops,” he explained.

In other policy news, Ted Cruz has rejected calls for a border wall with Mexico. “That’s not my policy,” he said. “I don’t see what’s wrong with a moderate twenty-foot high perimeter of barbed wire with a few land mines thrown in.”

“It’s just something we’ll have to compromise on.”

The radical left-winger President Obama has so far refused to put a blanket ban on any percentage of Muslisms, although White House sources have emphasised their hopes that the current American political climate will keep most of them away.

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