600,000 people across the UK punched their bosses and work colleagues in the face today to show solidarity with Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson, who has been suspended after a scuffle with a producer on the show.
“We have to stop this PC rot from spreading,” said one Clarkson supporter, before attacking her manager with a pair of nunchuks. “It’s time we got rid of this senseless taboo about smacking people in the face.”
Many of Clarkson’s fans have been singling out colleagues of ethnic minorities to bludgeon, explaining that it doesn’t make sense to leave them out “just because they’re black, or Indian or whatever”.
“Clarkson was clearly just having a bit of a laugh – it’s not like anyone actually got hurt by what he did,” said Claire Masters, 27. “The BBC need to stop taking themselves so seriously and realise when physically assaulting someone is clearly meant in jest.”
One fan even dressed up as The Stig and went on a killing spree in his office, with 13 reported dead so far.
“The reaction of most of my sensible colleagues has been that they don’t mind a bit of harmless banter – I mean, what’s the point in life if you can’t joke around a bit just cause you’re worried you might offend a few people?” commented the gunman, spraying a round of bullets into a group of people cowering by the water cooler.
“Of course, there’s always the sheep who just repeat whatever the Guardian tell them – but they’re all dead now anyway,” he added.