Disaster struck late on during this year’s London Fashion Week as audience members were exposed to one of the worst fashion disasters in recent history, resulting in 15 dead, 19 injured and a further 384 nonplussed.
Although authorities are still looking into the disaster, chief investigator Harold Porter has said they have identified the starting point of the catastrophe as one ‘super ugly yellow sweater’. “While we are now 95% certain the sweater was the trigger event,” said Porter. “It was in fact a rhinestone covered vest that actually caused that vast majority of casualties on the cat walk”.
Paramedics were present within minutes of the fatal exposure to poor fashion choices though they had to battle through severely poor aesthetic judgement while trying to reach those most affected. “Neon yellow over St.John’s Green overalls?! What is this, the frickin’ 80’s!? I think we all know who the real fashion victims are,” spluttered a visibly weak Vogue editor, Anna Wintour, as she was rushed into an ambulance by volunteer first-responders.
Amanda Wakeley, who designed the ugly yellow sweater has released the following statement: “Fashion is a game. You have to take risks in order to know what works and what doesn’t. The 15 dead and many injured will not do so in vain. In fact, that number is nothing compared to the many who would have suffered in sweatshops had my sweater been a hit. So I’m taking this as a victory.”
Stricter security protocols are expected to be introduced for next years event with the establishment of a dedicated security force named ‘The Fashion Police’. The squad will undergo rigorous training in order to determine “what is hot” and promptly eject “what is not” from the premises. It is rumoured Hugo Boss will design the uniforms.
Event organiser Daria Winters has assured fashion fans that next years event will put safety first. “Although we’ll be taking lots of precautions to avoid another catastrophe, we’re also very excited to reveal that an exclusive range of Gucci body-bags will be ready for next year’s show,” adding an apology, “The unbranded black matte ones used this year were an utter embarrassment and for that, we’re sorry.”