Nostalgic Chelsea fans celebrate 90’s hooliganism with Paris Métro flashmob


Proud men stand guard at the carriage doors following their stirring performance.

In recent years huge efforts have been made to sanitise the image of English football supporters and many of them are furious about it. A group of dedicated Chelsea fans took to the streets of Paris on Tuesday night in order to rekindle the 90’s perception of English football fans as nothing but racist hooligans.

“We want football to return to a simpler time,” one supporter stated, his eyes misting over. “A time of lower ticket prices. A time of proper support. A time of unrepentant public racism. Not like this super-sleek racism you get in the modern game either, where minorities are silently discriminated against through the tacit approval of societal institutions. If you’re not getting in someone’s face who’s just trying to get home, why even bother?”

We spoke with Dave Higgins, one of the organisers of Tuesday’s flashmob. “At the end of the day most people think football fans are Nuts-reading, Carling-chugging, UKIP-supporting white van men,” he said, while gesticulating with a pint. “We wanted to highlight that we can be so much worse than that by getting back to basics and sparking a race riot in a foreign city.”

Against the backdrop of the sponsorship logos from BNP, Britain First and National Front Higgins added, “I think the team really pulled together with a sort of mob mentality and by the end of the performance we had a whole métro carriage chanting racist slurs. It just goes to show if you put in the effort through narrow-minded, hateful pub-banter the post-match hooliganism can really develop organically.”

UEFA declined to comment on the incident but an insider told us they’re pleased with the result. “Nowadays the vast majority follow football for the love of the game without a xenophobic thought even entering their head,” said the official who wished to remain anonymous. “The entire fan experience has become a boring PC exercise where you can’t even take out your frustrations on a black man on the way home without people overreacting! UEFA applauds these fine young gentlemen who are striving to bring football supporting back to it’s bigoted and intolerant heyday.”

“I really appreciate what these guys are doing,” said father of two and committed football fan Jerry Hargreaves. “I used to love a bit of aggro and GBH after a game but I just don’t have the time to commit to it anymore. I’ve got to get the kids home and traffic is always a nightmare after a match. It’s good to see some of the lads are keeping the flame alive though.”

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