Europe’s Jewish population would rather take their chances in Israel


News of an alarming rise in anti-semitic feeling across Europe, combined with the recent attacks in Paris and Copenhagen, have lead many Jewish people to consider relocating to more secure environs such as the state of Israel.

Those who have already made the move report feeling much safer, finding the omnipresent guns and the country’s long history of armed conflict with all of its neighbours a source relative of calm and relaxation.

“I lived all my life in France and I loved it but right now I think our chances are better in the epicenter of the Middle East conflict,” said Jean-Luc Dreyfus. “I need to think about my kids’ future.”

“Sure, little Francois and Sophia would have to serve in the military, but it will be character building. And it will get them out of the house. Kids today, right? Don’t know they’re born. Plus the bulletproof mini-van I drive them to school in is also soundproof, so we can’t hear anymore anti-semitic slurs.”

Stephen Greenblatt, 24, from North London has a similar story. “Back in north London I had to be wary of people threatening to attack me on the streets, but now that I live in Tel Aviv all I have to worry about are the frequent rocket attacks and potentially being complicit in the ethnic cleansing of another culture. And did I mention the amazing weather?”

“The government here have also put up this massive concrete wall to help us feel safe,” continued Greenblatt. “It’s a damn sight more than the Coalition ever did for us. Where there hell is the iron dome in Tottenham? Lord knows they could use one.”

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