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Tired nation tries to be outraged about HSBC

2000The entire nation was, this morning, attempting to muster some kind of moral outrage over revelations that the bank HSBC may have engaged in huge and systematic tax evasion.

The tired and demoralized electorate of the United Kingdom was, at press time, struggling to find the energy to greet the news with the kind of backlash which, members of the public concede, “it probably does deserve.”

“Oh God, they laundered how much?” commented all 63 million inhabitants of the UK, reluctantly pausing Wolf Hall to talk to journalists. “It’s… bad, probably. I don’t know… I mean, it’s illegal, right? It’s just… I mean it’s not exactly Iraq, or Jimmy Saville, or phone-hacking, is it?”

“Its not that I don’t care” the entire nation continued, lowering their heads into their hands with a long, slow sigh “But its been a tough week and I’ve literally just got in the door… I mean, surely we can just leave this one to the Government?”

Upon being informed that many of those implicated in the scandal were in fact Conservative Party donors, the nation lowered its gaze to the floor and muttered “Its my one day off and I just … nevermind. Nevermind.”

“Still, at least there’s no way they’ll get in next time right, so its not like its an ongoing problem? A likely Conservative majority you say … I mean, for fucks sake.”

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