In a gesture of goodwill today, the Russian army has agreed to help raise awareness of the newly-agreed Ukraine peace roadmap by sending T-90 battle tanks with copies of the document to every corner of the country, including the war-torn east.
“We want to make sure every single Ukrainian knows all about this peace roadmap,” commented Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov. “And the only way to do that is by sending them a hard copy of it. Since the roads are so bad here, it turns out the most effective distribution method is via tanks. Russian tanks.”
“We might have to send some extra copies with ground troops and MiG-29 jets, if we can’t get them out fast enough,” he continued. “Petrov! Make sure we pack plenty of copies inside our short-range missiles!”
“Here, friend, take this peace roadmap,” said Colonel Vasily Kravisov, pointing an AK-47 with a scrap of paper stuck on the end at a terrified shopkeeper in Donetsk.
“We’ll probably send along a few copies to Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania and Moldova too – it might be of interest to them,” added Lavrov.