Shoppers have reacted with anxiety to reports that Poundland is looking to buy 99p Stores, with a markup in prices predicted to be not far behind.
“The 99p Stores CEO asked us how much we were going to pay when we got to the till,” said Poundland spokesperson Cheryl Wilson. “I mean…come on. Look at the name.”
“Poundland have really made a good acquisition here,” said business analyst Kate Wolsey. “And they got this massive six-pack of Vimto as well. Such a bargain.”
Poundland’s merger team are said to be stocking up on discounted sweets before ruthlessly stripping the assets from 99p Stores and turning the gutted stores into Poundlands. “They’ve got no respect for the brand’s history, and they may not understand the business model,” said Wolsey. “This will be a dramatic change for consumers.”
“I’m on a fixed income!” said regular 99p Stores customer Beryl Hinley. “Those corporate suits at Poundland are just swooping in and shaking up the business without a thought for the little guy.”
The motto at 99p Stores HQ, ‘Look after the pennies and the ninety-nine pennies will look after themselves’, was already being painted over at the time of going to press.
However, there are rumours that confusion over whether the agreed sale price of £55m was for the entire stock of each individual store or for the whole business may have scuppered the deal.