In the latest shocking revelation, disgraced cycling champion Lance Armstrong confessed today that he is in fact unable to ride a bike at all.
“I just never learned to ride one of the damn things. It worked out easier asking someone to give me a couple of injections and a big push at the start line, and off I went. I’d basically black out and wake up at the finishing line,” said the ex-cycling star in a candid BBC interview.
“To be honest, I don’t even have good balance – look!” he added, attempting and failing to stand on one leg in front of the interviewer. “And frankly, I prefer driving a car to get around. It’s faster, safer, and less tiring.”
Previously unreleased footage from 2004 shows Armstrong struggling to ride a bike in a straight line without the aid of the performance-enhancing drugs that helped him win the Tour de France seven times. The former champion eventually has to resort to attaching stabiliser wheels and asking his father to pull him along with a belt.
“Look, everyone was doing it back then, pretending to be top cyclists when in fact we were all so high on HGH we didn’t have a clue what was going on,” said Armstrong in his defence.
“I know it was cheating but there was so much pressure on us to be able to ride a bike in order to win all these cycling trophies.
“If you take me back to 1995, I would probably do it again. Although I might choose a different sport – windsurfing, maybe. I’m not sure cycling is my thing.”