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Planet Earth showing first signs of gentrification

Electric light: one of the most obvious and intrusive signs of gentrification

Electric light: one of the most obvious and intrusive signs of gentrification

Disgruntled long-term residents of Planet Earth have been voicing increased concern this week about the effects of gentrification on the place they call home.

Millions of existing life forms, including birds, amphibians, and reptiles, are disturbed by what they are terming a “reckless transformation” of the third planet from the sun by the ever-growing human population.

“It wasn’t always this way,” commented Maria da Silva, 27, a mosquito, staring unhappily at the outskirts of Rio de Janeiro from her swamp home. “Things were so much more genuine back when the dinosaur scene was still going strong. This place is dead to me now, it’s lost all its charm.”

“It’s a real shame for people like me who can’t afford to be all fancy and ‘human’,” echoed Indra Kapoor, a black-necked spitting cobra who says that her family have been priced out of the Cape Town area over successive generations. “My grandmother still remembers when this place was just a massive snake-pit for miles around – now look at it, all safe for human life.”

“What’s all this nonsense about electric light?” said Jenny Bradford, 23, a bat living in Mozambique. “Used to be that if you needed to see objects in the dark, you’d use sonar. But apparently that’s not good enough for these fancy homo sapiens types.”

“It’s got to the point where a lot of us are thinking of moving back into the sea,” commented one mournful lizard.

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