Joan Bradley, a loyal worker at UKIP Central Office, was this morning left bemoaning the drunken idiocy that led to her making several ‘explicitly non-racist’ comments at the annual office Christmas party.
“I don’t know what I was thinking,” groaned Bradley. “I’d had a few cups of punch, and I just heard myself saying these awful things. I started telling Nigel Farage that, at the end of the day, immigration brings a net benefit to the UK.”
“He was really nice about it, but I could tell this morning that everyone had heard about it. The looks I got when I walked in…so embarrassing”
Bradley’s actions were written off by her line manager. “Everyone understands that it was just a bit of harmless Christmas fun that got out of control,” said John Wilmslow. “Although I have taken Joan aside and explained to her that we have a ‘three strikes and you’re out’ policy here for non-racist comments.”
Bradley was not the only staff member left with regrets after the party. Several senior UKIP officials admitted that they’d been so drunk they’d completely forgotten to be misogynist and harass the few women present.
“This happens every single year,” said one, shaking his head. “I don’t know which hurts more: the hangover or the shameful knowledge that I didn’t grope Sharon from HR’s bottom while dressed as Father Christmas.”
At the time of writing, Bradley was sending her colleagues a racist email that blamed her drunken behaviour on immigrants.