Young people from across the capital have been excitedly travelling to Shoreditch High Street to obtain a bespoke mugging from a local pop-up firm. The 100% vegan, organic muggings are the brainchild of local crime lord ‘Shanker’, and seek to cater for a trendy demographic who may not have been mugged before. The hemp-printed brochures promise ‘age-old techniques, but with an aggressive modern twist’.
“Getting mugged is something you usually can’t put a price on, but in this case you can – whatever you have on you. It’s very Buddhist,” explained Simon, a Starbucks barista. “This sort of experience stays with you longer than any material possessions. In a way, aren’t we all mugged by capitalism…? Kind of makes you think.”
The muggings happen in a ‘flash mob’ format but, unlike the usual internet sensations, participants in these mobs have a strict anti-filming policy. “I totally respect their commitment to the live art form, but their refusal to even let me sign in on FourSquare is preventing this from going viral,” complained Noëlle, an urban artist. “Referencing Anonymous by wearing masks is a nice touch though.”
“I’ve been getting my muggings here for about three years,” said one dismissive onlooker, taking a drag from a cinnamon cigarette. “It was in this really niche little alley. Now you see the guy’s picture everywhere, but there was something really personal and authentic about it back then. You really felt like he was mugging you, you know?”