The Mayor of London was left looking sheepish today after his latest embarrassing mishap, when he was caught emerging from the Church of The Dark Lord Satan in a cowled robe soaked in chicken blood. When pressed on the issue, the gaffe-prone Old Etonian was forced to admit that he has long been a devoted worshipper of Beelzebub, to the embarrassment of his team.
Boris is expected to be mercilessly lightly mocked about his sworn devotion to Lucifer when he appears on Have I Got News For You this week. Members of the public have reacted with amusement to the revelations that he regularly participates in animal sacrifices and crazed demonic orgies but nevertheless the latest opinion polls showed a further increase in support for the subjugate of the Dark Lord.
“He’s a bit different from the other boring politicians, isn’t he?” said Jane Barclay. “Can’t say I agree with him on everything, but he’s certainly a breath of fresh, brimstone-filled air. Boris for PM!”
David Cameron was jocular when asked about the blunder. “Boris is as Boris does,” he said through gritted teeth, “He plays by his own rules, and if those rules are written in an ancient script in a book made of human skin, well, that’s just Boris! But I think he’s doing a great job for the people of London. Whether Boris cowers before the Antichrist or not is Boris’s affair.”
“Oh cripes – I believe the phrase is ‘get behind me Satan’!” joked Boris, as he amusingly tripped over a giant pentagram at a press conference and fell into a bath of virgins’ blood. “Now you know why I learnt all that Latin – comes in handy for the medieval invocations to our Eternal Prince of Damnation!”
“Still, at least I’m not a French Satanist, eh?” he added, to raucous applause from the crowd.