The Scottish Parliament should have the power to ruin its own economy, instead of having to defer to economy-destroying decisions from Westminster, the body on strengthening devolution has concluded.
The Smith Commission, which was set up to examine the powers of Scottish government, made the recommendation to MPs last week, reporting that “Scotland has shown, through its devolved Parliament, that it’s quite capable of totally screwing itself over in its own right.” The report also stated that it would be “patronising and absurd” to imagine that Scottish Parliament MPs would not be capable of producing just as much of a total balls-up as Westminster ones.
Some Westminster insiders have, nonetheless, remained unconvinced. “Granted, the Scottish Parliament looks like it’s as rubbish as the British one,” commented the Chancellor George Osborne. “But what if they were suddenly to become principled and competent after receiving more powers? It’s too big a risk to take.”
“Did you see how they had already made plans about using the pound, before the referendum?” Osborne continued. “That’s against everything this government stands for!”
A Tory spokesperson added “When it all goes to pot, everyone, especially us, will delight in blaming it on Scottish mismanagement.” At the time of going to press, the entire Conservative government was seen working on a massive ‘we told you so’ banner.