Controversial pick-up artist (PUA) Julien Blanc was today seriously negged by the UK government after he was refused a visa. The news comes after the self-styled dating guru and head of Real Social Dynamics was forced to leave Australia in yet another example of how much governments around the world really want him.
“The UK are clearly really into me,” said Blanc. “This is a classic approach. Pretend to really not be interested and belittle me with patronising comments. I invented this stuff, come on!”
“There is plenty of evidence of Mr Blanc’s vile views and misogynist business, and no interest for Britain in him being able to promote them here in our communities,” said Yvette Cooper, in what was clearly a sign of the shadow Home Secretary absolutely gagging for it.
“I’m getting serious IOI. All these petitions calling for me to be banned? Methinks the lady doth protest too much,” Blanc added, tipping his fedora. “I’ve passed harder Shit Tests in my time. Why, I’ve choked women around the world and dragged their heads towards my crotch without their consent. I got this.”
Lynne Featherstone, Minister for Crime Prevention, said that she was “delighted Mr Blanc won’t be coming to our shores”, in what Blanc has already deemed a classic Anti-Slut Defense from a 7 at best.
“If I was an AFC maybe this Bitch Shield would put me off, but I’ve spent years training myself to completely ignore the feelings and desires of others and give absolute privilege to my desire to have sex with women,” explained Blanc. “I can feel the Close is near now. I’ve even got the Prime Minister’s digits: 10.”
At the time of writing, Julien Blanc was still stranded in the international Friend Zone.