Following a 6 million pound in house investigation which vowed to get to the very bottom of the issue, FIFA’s ethics committee has released its findings that there are not and never have been any World Cups.
“Well that’s that then” said FIFA president Sepp Blater. “We’ve always said that World Cups don’t happen and that we certainly don’t carry out a bidding process by which they are awarded. We are men of honour.”
In its closing pages the investigation also doubted the popularity of professional sport and denied the existence of spherical bits of leather which people can kick.
But some FIFA critics still aren’t satisfied. “Over one billion witnesses report seeing a World Cup some time last summer” said Greg Dyke chairman of the Football Association. “Key bits of evidence like this seemed to have been overlooked by the ethics panel”.
FIFA couldn’t be reached for comment as it no longer accepts its existence.