Planning permission has been granted for a new residential development in Battersea, which property experts are confidently predicting no-one will be able to afford to move into. Under the plans approved today, a proportion of the new estate will be given over to affordable one-bedroom phone boxes and studio grit bins.
Wandsworth Borough Council granted developer Casucha Residential permission for the project on the condition that 20% of the housing units be allocated to affordable rental and shared ownership schemes. A statement on the Council’s website explained that this would somehow help meet borough-wide targets of 50% of new stock being affordable, somehow.
Local residents are said to be delighted at the decision. Neighbourhood tenant Ava Lucas commented: “It’s fantastic that developers are responding to needs by providing these tiny hovels – and at rates the average middle manager could almost think about one day maybe being able to pay!”
Casucha’s investors were reportedly jittery at the concessions planning officers had apparently been able to extract from the developer. Responding to these concerns, a company spokesman said: “Yes, it’s true that that we’ve had to make a fifth of properties available to buyers and renters at just 80% of the arbitrarily high local market rates. But we’d like to reassure shareholders at this time that the remainder of the stock will be officially unaffordable.”
Georgia Jarvis, an estate agent in neighbouring Nine Elms, commented: “This is welcome news, but the fact is these properties won’t be ready for two to three years. For those on a budget and looking to move soon, we’ve just had an exciting new set of recycling bins come on the market. They’d be perfect for professional couples looking to join the property ladder.”
Casucha will now turn its attentions to a proposed plate-glass tower block in Clapham, a percentage of which will be allocated to affordable housing; specifically, zero percent.