Steve Jobs comes out as dead


Former Apple CEO Steve Jobs came out today as a dead person, in an announcement that has been praised around the world for its honesty and bravery.

“Of course, it was privately known that Steve had been dead for many years, but this is the first time he has publicly acknowledged it,” commented Eric Talib, CNN correspondent. “He’s sending a really positive message to all the dead people like him who one day may want to run their own business.”

Job’s highly emotional statement quoted from Martin Luther King’s famous “I am a person who is dead” speech, and called for legislative change. “Under Alabama law, people can still be fired for being dead,” Jobs commented, “And that’s something that has to change. Dead people can’t marry, can’t adopt kids – they can’t even go into a store and pay for groceries without people judging them. It’s time for this to stop.”

Back in May, an influential piece in the New York Times asked “Where are the dead CEOs?”. This announcement will add to the growing chorus of voices saying that, in this day and age, you should be able to run a multinational company regardless of whether your body is just an empty shell devoid of life.

“Look at how well Rupert Murdoch is doing, and he’s been a corpse for years,” commented one activist.

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