The European Union today announced that Britain would be required to pay an additional £1.7 billion to deal with the expenses claimed by UKIP MEPs.
“We’ve already had to sell most of Greece’s airports to cover Nigel’s cigar bill,” said Jose Manuel Barroso. “If this keeps up all our austerity savings will be wasted and we’ll have to sell Lithuania to the Russians.”
“This is just another example of British exceptionalism being punished by EU bureaucracy,” said an angry Farage. “The fat cats in Brussels want to punish us just because we have a rich culture of achievements in expenses. If we were sitting in the British parliament we could expense all we want and no one would bat an eyelid.”
David Cameron found himself in the difficult position of having to agree with the UKIP leader. “If our MEPs happen to be top in the league tables for claiming money and bottom of the leagues for attendance that’s nobody’s business but the poor sods whose representatives don’t know how to work the system,” said the PM.