Ched Evans

Football fans arguing over number of goals needed to forgive rapist footballer

Ched Evans

Fans of Sheffield United were today debating exactly how many goals Ched Evans, a professional footballer convicted and jailed for sex crimes, would have to score so they could ignore the fact that he is a rapist.

“At just 7 goals for the whole season, Ched’s definitely still a rapist,” commented one fan who wished to remain anonymous. “But bring that up to 14 and I’m not so sure any more. If we get promoted, we’ll just call it evens and move on.”

“A lot hinges on the kinds of goals Ched scores,” said Jim Albright, 27, a Sheffield United blogger. “A few headers here and there, penalties and so on – that wouldn’t be enough to set aside the fact that the man is a convicted sex offender. But throw in a few bicycle kicks and left-footed volleys, and I’m sold. Welcome back, Ched. Come to think of it, just one kick-ass scorpion kick would do it.”

“It’s simple,” commented manager Nigel Clough. “Ched needs to score enough goals so fans forget about the fact he had sex with a woman too drunk to know what she was doing. More goals, less awful memories.”

“Remember when David Beckham got sent off against Argentina at World Cup 98? We all hated him, but he went out, brushed himself down, and did his best. He became a global icon and everyone forgot the controversy. This is exactly the same, only with a rapist.”

Other fans have been more critical, with one commenting, “Yeah, it’s all good banter but keep it off the field mate”.

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