Tesco bans guide dogs from stores for loitering

The supermarket giant Tesco today clarified that guide dogs are not allowed into any of its stores because “they just mope around and leave without buying anything.” They also announced that they are installing high pitched alarms to keep the dogs from congregating outside.

“People always focus on the person that accompanies these dogs being denied service but it’s not about them,” said Tesco spokesman David Hubbard. “Every store reports the same stories with these dogs. They come into the shop, lead people around the aisles for about 10 minutes and then they don’t even buy anything!”

“People forget that some members of our staff are very frightened by dogs too,” he continued. “It’s very hard to tell the difference between a drug dealer’s attack dog and a labrador. They could be in disguise!”

Members of the public tend to agree with Tesco. “These dogs are so up themselves that they don’t even let you pet or feed them,” says Sue MacKay. “How they managed to write the little signs around their necks is beyond me but it’s totally anti-social.”

Tesco say they are also considering banning “Those chairs with the big wheels that people always ride around the stores. That is not why we put in all those ramps. This is a shop not a playground!”

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