UKIP Leader Nigel Farage Campaigning In South Shields

A politician I could have a pint with? Our alcoholic reporter rolls out the bloke test

UKIP Leader Nigel Farage Campaigning In South Shields

In days of yore alcohol was just an endearing social lubricant, a useful cleansing agent for open wounds, and for many alcoholics like myself, a way of life. Now though it’s become one of the prime means by which to judge the character of our elected representatives, so I put off my AA sessions for the week, stayed sober long enough to arrange the meetings, and then set out into the night in order to discover which politicians I could have a pint with.

Nick Clegg

At first I wasn’t sure whether Nick was the sort of guy I could have a pint with. He kept talking about the budget deficit, and didn’t mention the football scores or X-Factor results once.

But then my insatiable craving for the honeyed bliss of booze kicked in; I got to the bar, put my order in, and it turned out I definitely can drink with Nick. Top bloke.

Senator for Nevada, Harry Reid

Harry Reid’s staunch Mormon values and total refusal to imbibe alcoholic beverages or meet in a place that serves them at first appeared a major barrier to him being the sort of politician I could have a pint with. But I really applied myself on this one and was happy to drink Special Brew from the floor of a car park while the good Senator looked on. Definitely the sort of politician I could have a pint with. Top bloke.

Nigel Farage

Could I have a pint with good old Nige? You bet I could. It turns out Nigel likes alcohol too and in my experience as an alcoholic that makes the whole process easier.

We drank long into the night, in fact it wasn’t until the early morning that he revealed his outright racist views and complete lack of administrative competence.  Exactly the sort of guy I could have a pint with and by extension exactly the person who should run the country. Top bloke.

 

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