stock market worries

Stock market reports 45% increase in worried-looking men in suits

stock market worriesPictures are flooding into newsrooms today showing men in shirts sitting at desks with their head in their hands. The scenes are reminiscent of 2008 when lots of these pictures somehow lead to poor people being given less money and nurses standing outside hospitals waving signs.

Analysts have suggested that the sudden increase could be due to the amount of numbers on screens that are currently blinking in red or to the bar charts which are going downhill instead of uphill.

“What we really need are some green numbers with little arrows pointing up next to them,” said a financial analyst with a worried face. “Or at the very least some lines that are pointing up. Oil is also pointing down which is sometimes good but this time it is bad say the men with computers.”

“What we are really worried about is numbers getting so low that people try to fly from the windows of tall buildings like what happened in the 1930’s,” he continued.

At time of publication there were signs the situation may be getting worse following reports of people looking at a chart somewhere above their heads while covering their mouth with one hand or agitatedly running their hands through their hair.

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