After a lengthy consultation process, the Liberal Democrats today announced plans to legalise powerful, mind-altering drugs just before the Party seeks the support of the public at the next general election.
“I’ve always been clear on this principle,” Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg insisted last night. “People have a right to take substances which totally reverse their usual tastes, opinions and dispositions. Especially in May.”
“I am not saying that our fiscal policy doesn’t add up, that the worldview of our party languishes dangerously far from the mainstream, or that we’re heading for electoral oblivion. I am just saying that sometimes it’s good to smash down the doors of perception” added Clegg.
The drugs policy is just the first in a series of initiatives designed to get the British public to see the world in new and different ways. The Party also plans a nationwide roll-out of bendy mirrors and according to persons familiar with the matter, “Kaleidoscopes for all”.
Responding to the new policy the Conservatives reiterated their relentless commitment to living in a grim, unadorned reality and preferably killing all imagination while they’re at it.