"Only 5853% APR? What a bargain!"

Cash-strapped Wonga take out £220m Wonga loan

"Only 5853% APR? What a bargain!"

“Only 5853% APR? What a bargain!”

 

After writing off £220m of customer debt in a gesture of good faith, Wonga have taken out a £220m Wonga loan to shore up their profits.

“We’ve really been hit hard by these new affordability checks we’re bringing in,” said chairman Andy Haste. “Turns out we inadvertently lent money to 330,000 people who couldn’t afford to pay it back, so the regulators told us we had to cancel the lot.”

“It’s put a dent in the whole business model, but I’m confident we’ll have things back on track if we can just get £220m to fill the gap for now.”

“We’ve tried to get a bridging loan from a respected bank, but they said we were too much of a risky investment,” complained Haste. “Where else could we turn but Wonga? The cash was in our account in minutes – and at only 5853% APR!”

The loan has already accrued £570m in interest, leading to a threatening fake letter from a made-up law firm. Wonga are reportedly thinking of taking out another loan to cover it.

Haste was quick to assure investors that Wonga would remain a profitable venture, despite the rigorous new checks on lending to be introduced. “Our old affordability test of getting customers to click a button saying ‘I can definitely afford this’ was outdated,” admitted Haste. “Now you’ll have to click, I don’t know, at least two buttons.”

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