American Ebola victim puts a human face on tragedy


The recent Ebola outbreak in West Africa touched the hearts of millions today after pictures of a white American who has contracted the disease appeared across the internet.

“We have to remember that real human beings, like this one US citizen, are being affected by this horrific disease,” commented Janet Hustings, 47, from Milwaukee, Wisconsin. “Sure, Ebola’s been around for a while now – but did you hear that this guy has kids? Something has got to be done.”

Since the news broke yesterday afternoon, a Facebook page entitled ‘Don’t Let Ebola Infect Any More Americans’ set up in tribute to the diseased man has reached 3 million fans.

“We must, at all costs, avoid another situation where a Westerner contracts this deadly virus,” said US president Barack Obama in a statement. “Although of course we would be able to provide them with immediate world-class medical attention and our early-stage antiviral treatment if they did.”

The UN Security Council is seeking to pass a binding resolution requiring Africans to be more careful with their infected bodily fluids in order to prevent transmission to non-African people.

“We would like to extend our sincerest condolences to the people of the United States for this deeply tragic incident,” commented Ellen Johnson Sirleaf, President of Liberia. “Rest assured, we are sending our top aid workers and doctors over to Texas to assist with this American man’s treatment, and hope for a full recovery.”

At time of going to press, the US Air Force was carrying out extensive firebombing of Sierra Leone to save more innocent Westerners from contracting the disease.

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