Amidst growing concerns about the continued security and wellbeing of the Tory party and an increase in threats from its non-mainstream political rivals, David Cameron this week raised the terror alert to ‘Election Level’.
“I am doing this to guarantee the safety and future prosperity of us all,” the Prime Minister told a packed room of Conservative back-benchers from seats which happen to look like they might vote UKIP in the next election.
“The world is an unsafe place right now. The future is uncertain. IS in Iraq, the crisis in the Ukraine, and of course, Douglas Carswell’s maverick bid to claim Clacton for a party other than ourselves. All pose an existential threat to our very existence.”
When asked whether the Conservative Party was riddled with ideological fissures over Europe and was unlikely to carry the majority of its backbenchers into the next parliament due to profound differences over Britain’s role in the world, the PM gave little away.
“My gosh, terrorism’s scary.”