Alex Salmond has been left facing difficult questions today after leaked images of his birth certificate appear to reveal that the First Minister of Scotland was born in Essex.
The documents seen by Underground Magazine give Salmond’s place of birth as Broomfield Hospital, Chelmsford. Salmond has always claimed he was born in Linlithgow in West Lothian, but has never provided any documentary evidence to support this.
Further research seems to indicate that Salmond’s formative years were spent in Chelmsford, with several people claiming to remember Salmond attending Broomfield Primary School in the late 1950s. “Oh, Alex was a lovely little boy,” recalled Edith Barker, who taught at the school until 1983. “Just so polite and respectful – the perfect model of Englishness. It gave me quite a shock to see him on the television speaking with that new accent.”
A video has also been uploaded to YouTube of a young boy in an England football shirt singing ‘God Save the Queen’ in 1966. When asked by the filmer for his name, the boy replies “Alex”. Video expert Martin Leith said it would be ‘very difficult’ to fake the footage. “The technical capability you’d need to authentically fabricate the motion blur is just implausible,” he said. “My professional opinion is that this footage is real.”
While the chronology of Salmond’s reinvention as a Scottish nationalist is unclear, it seems that on arrival at St. Andrews in 1973 he was styling himself as a native Scot. “He had this really thick accent,” said fellow student Joanna Miles. “People used to joke with him that it sounded like he’d learnt to speak by watching Billy Connolly on TV, which he got very defensive about.”
“Although, funnily enough, whenever he got drunk he’d slip into this real Essex wideboy voice,” she added. “And there was always a rumour that he had a tattoo of Thatcher.”
After St. Andrews, Salmond entered the Scottish Government Economic Service, and from there his meteoric rise to lead the SNP is well-documented. When asked for comment about the allegations, Salmond’s office dismissed them as a ‘ludicrous’ conspiracy theory.
If true, the revelation would explain a number of curious facts about Salmond. “He only ever drinks whisky with a mixer,” said an anonymous aide. “And every Burns Night he claims he’s ‘allergic to haggis’…is that even a thing?”
“I also caught him crying his eyes out when Diana died – he called her ‘England’s rose’,” she added. “For months the only song he listened to was the new version of ‘Candle In The Wind’.”
The Better Together campaign have already seized on the revelation in their campaigning. “Alex Salmond was born in England,” said David Cameron. “The Scottish people will not be patronised by an English person telling them how to vote. If anything, this issue should be left to authentic Scotsmen like Tony Blair.”