Entire symphony orchestra only playing instruments to get laid

Dublin_Philharmonic_Orchestra_performing_Tchaikovsky's_Symphony_No_4_in_Charlotte,_North_CarolinaIt has emerged today that the entire London Philharmonic Orchestra only learnt to play their instruments in a desperate attempt to get laid more often.

“I don’t even like classical music,” explained violinist James Hastings. “Give me David Guetta any day. But I was having a pretty painful dry streak back in 2005 so I picked up the violin, and I haven’t looked back since.”

Members of the Orchestra have been seen in bars around London flaunting their instruments to win over prospective lovers.

“I realised that bringing my bassoon on a night out basically guarantees a one-night stand,” commented Vanessa Lam. “Guys are all like, oh wow, so you play the bassoon huh – that’s pretty sexy. I take it out and play a few notes, and they’re sold.”

However, not all of the musicians have found the strategy successful, “I was going to buy a guitar but then I eventually chose the double bass because it’s bigger. But whenever I take it out at a party to strum an extremely baritone version of Wonderwall, people just leave.”

“To be honest I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking,” said Clive who plays the trombone.

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