Israel finally restores peace to UN-run school

After days of fighting, Israel has finally managed to bring peace to a UN-run school in Gaza that was being used as a civilian shelter.

​The school’s corridors – those which are still standing – are now no longer full of screaming children, terrified of the missiles raining down on their homes,” announced Israeli government spokesman Ben Regev. “They’re completely empty and calm. We’ve brought those children and aid workers peace – not just for today, but for eternity.”

Israel pointed out that they had brought peace to over 700 Gazans in total since the recent peace process started, with the majority of those occurring during a ground peace offensive. “We care deeply about the plight of Palestinian civilians, as evidenced by our determination to get them out of that terrible situation as quickly as possible using all the modern weaponry at our disposal,” added Regev.

​Despite concerted effort, Hamas has only succeeded in restoring peace to tens of people in Israel, most of them soldiers. “We’re trying to participate in the peace process, but we just don’t have the military resources,” confided one member.

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