In response to the destruction of flight MH17 over Eastern Ukraine, Russian President Putin has called for the international community to condemn the role of gravity, an inanimate force of nature, in the disaster.
“If only we lived in a world without gravity,” said Putin, as he signed yet more missiles over to unpredictable pro-Russian forces in Ukraine. “But once again, gravity has been allowed to murder over 300 innocent people. Nobody to blame. Just gravity.”
“There but for the grace of God go all the other planes that weren’t shot down” Putin added. “There was nothing any of us could have done. It’s a miracle those things stay in the air to begin with.”
“What am I meant to do at a time like this,” the Russian Premier continued “Stop selling rockets? We could go around in circles asking who sold which anti aircraft missile systems to which rebels in which disputed provinces – but it’s not going to bring those people back, so what would be the point?”
The US were quick to condemn Putin’s remarks but were reminded of an incident in 1988 where they shot down an Iranian passenger plane, then blamed it on the human condition and the essential fallibility of man.
Russian flight crash investigators on the scene have also been instructed to look for evidence of “the hand of fate, irony, bad luck and the inevitability of death” all of which may have played a part in the plane being blown up.