Brazil coach Luiz Felipe Scolari has been telling people this morning about a ‘crazy nightmare’ he had last night where Brazil lost 7-1 to Germany in a World Cup semi final on home turf.
“It was super weird,” said Scolari. “At first everything seemed pretty normal and I didn’t know I was dreaming, but then they scored five goals in eighteen minutes and it suddenly clicked: hey, there’s no way this can possibly be happening!”
Nobody has yet had the heart to break the news to the coach that his dream actually happened. “He’s convinced the match is this evening and that today is Tuesday,” said Brazilian midfielder Oscar. “He phoned us all up this morning and asked why we weren’t at training, and we all decided to play along and show up. I think we’ll have to tell him before we get on the coach to Belo Horizonte though – but there’s no way I’m doing it.”
“You were all there,” Scolari said to the team as he forced them to do laps of the field. “Fred, Hulk, David Luiz…but you were playing abysmally! I was feeling terrible, until I realised I was dreaming and then I just found it kind of funny. What are you crying for Júlio César? It was only a dream! Let’s get practising to smash those Germans. Not that we need to, of course! We’re Brazil.”
“I must have eaten some cheese or something,” chuckled Scolari. “Brazil losing at home in their biggest World Cup defeat ever? Scratch that, our heaviest defeat ever? Breaking the record for the most goals conceded in a semi final? How did I dream that up?!?”
“Although I did pinch myself just to make sure as the fifth one went in. It really hurt, which was strange,” he confessed. “But then I remembered we’re Brazil, and so this was 100% definitely a dream.”