Following England’s narrow defeat by Uruguay, FIFA have decided to wrap up the World Cup earlier than planned, due to lack of interest.
“It’s funny, we really thought this year’s tournament was going to be great, especially after all the amazing games in the first week” commented one official. “But last night’s match has shown us people just don’t care that much. Maybe we overplayed our hand by making the whole thing about football? Who knows.”
Players from around the world were seen packing their suitcases and returning home, whilst officials covered the stadiums in white sheets, yelling ‘move along folks, nothing to see here’. “It would have been nice to win, especially on home turf, after all the preparation”, said Brazilian striker Neymar, looking slightly bewildered “but if people don’t want to see it, what can we do? Football is hard to predict – we were a bit silly to think the whole world would be into it. That’s a lot of people! In retrospect, calling it the World Cup was a bit of a mistake. Maybe we could just throw a carnival or something?”
FIFA have agreed to give back the estimated £11 billion Brazil spent in the build-up to the tournament, with a spokesman saying “Well, it’s only fair, isn’t it? They build all this stuff which no one is ever going to use. What kind of organisation would we be if we didn’t put our hands up and accept responsibility?”
Roy Hodgson, England’s manager, was last seen on Copa Cabana beach paddling out into the ocean on a surfboard, holding a coconut with a straw in it. “Personally, I couldn’t be happier” he shouted to the assembled press as Daniel Sturridge and Raheem Sterling frolicked in the surf nearby. “We’ll find something else to do this summer. I’ve been meaning to get in the garden, plus I’ve just bought the Breaking Bad boxset. Oh, and Wimbledon’s on soon, isn’t it? Come on Andy!”