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Water cannon will “wash all this scum off the streets” says Boris

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London mayor Boris Johnson is supporting plans to arm the Metropolitan police with water cannon as part of his Cleaning Up London scheme.

Water cannon, a form of anti-riot weaponry that shoots high-velocity streams of water over large distances, would allow authorities to simultaneously mitigate social unrest and wash the capital’s streets.

Referring specifically to the 2011 riots in London, Boris noted: “Everyone knows social disorder is caused by dirty lower-class contumelious riff-raff.

“Water cannon will get them off our streets and give the begrimed, bellicose buggers a jolly good needed wash at the same time.”

“Spraying H2O at the dirty under-classes will also allow them to get their recommended 8 glasses of water a day,” said Boris. “The weapon will keep Londoners clean and hydrated, whilst lowering their personal water bills!”

Opponents to the weapon cite the case of Dietrich Wagner, a German man who lost his sight due to being sprayed by water cannon in 2010.

“Oh pish, being blind is quite fun,” said Boris in response to the criticism, as he jauntily discarded of the London Assembly Police and Crime Committee’s report on water cannon.

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