George Osborne today cited the opening of the new ‘Adibas’ megastore on Oxford Street as an example of how Britain is bouncing back from the recession.
“Thanks to cooperation between foreign investors and old fashioned British know-how, operations like Adibas are bringing London major label products at low, low prices and giving consumers confidence once again”.
“Globalisation is a two way street and today we are witnessing the rise of smaller, faster companies who are willing to give the consumer the product he or she wants. Right after the big corporation provides it,” continued Osbourne while posing in a pair of Adibas tracksuit bottoms with matching cap. “I might even pick up something for Dave!”
Freddie Mao, a Shanghai-based businessman and the brains behind both ‘Adibas’ and ‘Tony Hilfiger, said “Our research has shown again and again that in the UK there is a segment of consumers who are unwilling to spend a lot of money due to the difficult economic climate, yet still wish to accumulate the same amount of so-called ‘swag’ that they were buying before the crash.”
Business owners feel confident, not just because Adibas’s branding is indistinguishable from the more famous brands, but also the number of youngsters posing with sneakers on Instagram has tripled in the last quarter.
“I can’t really afford Adidas sweatpants or Nike Air Max sneakers, but I know they’ll get me at least 120 likes on Instagram. I’m glad these stores are opening, someone should take a stand against big corporations,” says Instagram user philswaggomg2cool.
The government have expressed hope that more foreign businesses will be attracted to UK high streets. The ‘So Knee’ board of directors has already expressed some interest in British markets and a source at ‘Nikke’ is quoted as saying “are you fucking kidding me?”.