Fans of botched military invasions celebrated today at rumours that Tony Blair and George Bush would be coming out of retirement to play ‘one last gig’ in war-torn Iraq.
Mr Blair has refused to confirm or deny the rumours. “Look, let’s just say if what I’m hearing is true, I could be be there in 45 minutes,” he joked mechanically, with a glint in his eye. “When we were last in the region we got a pretty warm reception in Fallujah but I understand our biggest fans are now in the North-West.” Asked whether the duo would still be able to perform to the same high standards he said, “I’m sure we’ve still got some depleted uranium left in the tank.”
Reportedly titled ‘Gulf War III: Mission Accomplisheder’, the tour would be the duo’s first major military operation since 2003’s critically acclaimed invasion. The reunion had been in doubt, with many assuming Blair’s ‘Neverending Farewell Lecture Tour’, and his commitments as Middle East Peace envoy, would leave him unable to participate in the conflict.
“In hindsight, they cleverly kept the possibility of a reunion tour alive over the years,” commented security analyst John Bowman. “They created ideal conditions for the growth of Sunni jihadist groups by destabilising the country to the point of civil war. Who else was going to clean up that mess? It was a true mark of their strategic genius.”
Saddam Hussein will unfortunately not be available for the reunion and rumours are swirling as to who else will take part. “I bet it will be Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, leader of the ISIS,” said one foreign intervention enthusiast. “Or maybe even divisive sectarian leader Nouri al-Maliki? Maybe it’s too simplistic to reduce all the problems of a region down to a single man and pretend that removing him will solve everything but it’s so difficult not to get caught up in the fever. Oh boy, I can’t wait!”
A hologram of Dr. David Kelly is expected to be used for any “press conference style” warm up gigs needed to get the public fired up for the reunion.