Across the UK, fans are staying up for England’s first match of the 2014 FIFA World Cup against Italy, eagerly awaiting the disappointment that will inevitably come at some stage.
Huge crowds are gathered in pubs, bars, and homes, all on tenterhooks to see how exactly England will fail to deliver this time. “Will it be going out pathetically in the group stages, or will we show early promise and thrash Italy, getting up everyone’s hopes, before crashing out in the quarters?” said Owen Yardley. “I just can’t wait to find out!”
“My son’s just 4 years old. I’m really looking forward to sharing the feeling of absolute despair with him – not just this World Cup, but every World Cup to come. I’ve even painted a cross of St. George on his adorable face that will be ruined by the tears. Magic.”
“It’s just a shame this crushing feeling of disappointment only comes every 4 years,” said Sara Bronson. “I mean, there’s always the disappointment of the Euros…but it’s just not the same.”
Some naysayers have been spreading rumours that this year might be the year that England fail to deliver crushing disappointment and actually end up winning, something that has been strongly denied by manager Roy Hodgson. “We’ve got what it takes,” he said. “A questionable squad, a tough group, and terrible playing conditions. It’s in the bag.”