The effects of 'extreme Britishness' can be seen on this man's face.

Rise in ‘extremely British values’ being taught in schools

The effects of 'extreme Britishness' can be seen on this man's face.

The effects of ‘extreme Britishness’ can be seen on this man’s face.

Education experts today warned of a dangerous rise in the teaching of ‘extremely British values’ in schools.

“We’re seeing a concerning growth in petty, small-minded nationalism in our schools, which is supported by a small cabal of cabinet ministers” said one teacher. “Education should be free from the influences of special interest groups of all kinds, such as desperate politicians trying to win back UKIP voters. For example.”

Ofsted inspectors say that in culturally homogeneous communities, schools are often the only places where children can learn about other faiths and cultures. One told us of “tragic examples of schools such as Eton that keep churning out students with a very narrow world view who are simply not prepared for life in modern Britain. It’s really quite sad.”

“A culture of fear and intimidation has been produced, with teachers forced to work long British hours teaching largely irrelevant British material in stressful British conditions,” commented a source in the Department of Education. “British, British, British” they added. One worried parent with said “my child came home yesterday wearing a three-piece suit and bowler hat that I hadn’t given him, demanded a pint of bitter, and started reciting ‘The Charge Of Light Brigade’. I was astonished”.

When asked to comment on the rumours, Mr Gove said he wanted “democracy, mutual respect and tolerance” taught in schools, which he considered to be classically British ideals that were not held in any great esteem by the rest of the world.


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