After he escaped from his care home in the UK to attend yesterday’s D-Day commemoration ceremonies, 89-year-old veteran Bernard Jordan has continued his advance towards Paris through northern France, which he claims he will ‘liberate’ within months.
“I did it once before, and by gum I’m going to do it again,” said Jordan as he lobbed a grenade into a suburban garden in Normandy. “Ha! That’ll show old Jerry,” he added, as a young family ran screaming out.
In stark contrast to the original D-Day, Jordan has encountered very little resistance on the beaches. “Looks like I’ve caught the buggers unaware,” Jordan explained with a impish glint in his eye. “I hope von Choltitz is ready for round two!” he said, referring to the German commander of Paris who actually died in 1966.
“We really don’t know how this happened,” said Sue Young, a worker at the care home Jordan escaped from. “Or how he got hold of that Gatling gun.”