Cameron plans to speed up extradition process using catapults


Following the lengthy extradition of Abu Hamza, the government has announced plans to install catapults along the British coastline in order to streamline the process.

“Abu Hamza’s extradition took over 10 years” David Cameron said “Under our new proposals it could have been as little as 10 seconds – get in the catapult, pull the cord, problem solved.”

“In this case,” The Prime Minister added “The path to justice is a long parabolic arc deep into the North Sea.”

Critics of the plans worry they will encourage a “launch first, ask questions later” approach to extradition, and note that the European Convention of Human Rights specifically forbids firing people into the air with big catapults. However, the government remains undeterred and argues there will be plenty of time for the appeals process, once the defendants are in the catapult.

“Just get in the catapult,” Theresa May commented “And we can talk this whole thing over.”

One man currently facing extradition told our reporters “My case involves a complex set of untested legal principles, and there’s no way the government could simply bypass all that and AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH”.

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