While it’s obviously completely up to you, your Spotify account has reportedly been wondering whether it could interest you in something other than Taylor Swift’s ‘We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together’, which you’ve had on repeat for the last 4 hours.
“You know, I’ve actually got most of the music ever recorded,” commented the account. “So if you wanted to choose something other than…okay, let’s just listen to ‘I Knew You Were Trouble’ again, that’s a good song too, I guess.”
The music streaming service, which has over 20 million songs available for instant playing that aren’t break-up songs by Taylor Swift, is concerned that your listening habits may never again recover from whatever has recently happened in your personal life, not that it’s prying.
“We’ve got some great playlists here: ‘Make-out music’, ‘Romantic mix’, and ‘Happy times’,” said the account. “Seriously, the songs are much more upbeat, why not give them a try? It’ll make you feel better…Right, Taylor again. How about ’22’, that’s fun? Nope, another break-up song. Cool. Cool.”
“Hey, if you like Taylor Swift, how about playing some Katy Perry? And if you like her, you could move on to Iggy Azalea, who would then lead you Kanye West and th-…no, OK, ‘Better Than Revenge’ it is! No, really, it’s fine! Absolutely fine. Just doing my job. You’re the boss.”
“We,” sang Taylor Swift through your laptop speakers underneath the duvet, “are never ever ever getting back together.”