In a teary scene in an East end bar, Campbell told the algorithm that although nobody knew his cultural, social and sexual preferences better, he now felt that there was another chunk of unthinking mathematical formula out there that might make him happier.
Campbell pleaded with the algorithm to focus on the good times. “You know, like that time when I told you I was into economists and you disastrously fixed me up with a statistician. Or how you mistakenly interpreted my interest in mid-eighteenth century portraiture as latent homosexuality. We’ll always have those moments.”
In an effort to soften the blow, Campbell also suggested that the algorithm and himself could continue to see each other occasionally, “perhaps through some sort of Netflix recommendation capacity”.
By the time of going to press Campbell had already been spotted with a new algorithm at Guardian Soulmates which promised an instant distillation of his personality and the ability to compute it into a promising selection of future life partners. “I know it won’t let me down in the end, the way all those other algorithms have,” said Campbell. “I feel like Soulmates really gets what I’m all about.”