London, the often over-looked sprawling metropolis, could be the new Shoreditch if recent reports by people with big glasses and trendy haircuts are to be believed. Rising property prices, a growing number of ultimately pointless pop-up stores, and the inexplicable resurgence of beards have all contributed to the change in the capital’s fortunes.
“It’s full of pretentious douches who are pushing out everyday Londoners – just like Shoreditch!” said Amelia Judd, a 26-year-old ‘zine editor who lives in a flat that her parents bought for her. “Plus, it has Shoreditch inside it which I like because I think ‘meta’ things are very clever,” she added. Judd has yet to publish a single ‘zine.
London is expected to beat out its nearest rival North Hykeham to become the new Shoreditch as the trendy Lincoln suburb is “not even fucking close to being in London”, a key criteria for any cool place to live.
The hunt for a new Shoreditch has been intensifying in recent years as newspapers struggle to fill the worthless space on their pages between advertisements. Post-Leveson press regulations require all publications to print at least 5 “new Shoreditch” articles per tax year.