Early reports are indicating that despite reading this article you somehow still managed to forget Mother’s Day. Sources are saying this is not the first time this has happened and ‘probably won’t be the last”, knowing you.
When asked for a quote you will probably say “Shit! Not again. Every year I keep putting it to the back of my mind until it gets lost somewhere between looking on Facebook and thinking about myself. I truly am a terrible child.”
Your mother is going to be very understanding about the situation – which of course will only make it worse for you. “Why can’t she just be mad and tell me she doesn’t love me any more?” you will say pathetically. “It’s the way she hides her sense of disappointment that’s the worst bit. God, even now I’m blaming her for being so loving despite the fact I’m a fuck-up. Jesus, I’m awful.”
Attempts to tell yourself the celebration is “just another example of the commercialisation of human emotion and I show her my love throughout the year anyway” are apparently not making you feel any better, because deep down you know you fucking blew it again you selfish loser.
The fact that your perfect sibling(s), every single cousin in your extended family, and all of your friends will somehow find the time to make really sweet and heartfelt expressions of appreciation for their mothers is predicted to make you feel miserable long into next week.