“He made some really compelling points,” Mr Clegg told the waiting press. “£55m a day is a stupid amount of money! Think of all the things we could do with it – for a start we could build a 15ft concrete wall around the coast of Britain to keep out the millions of Europeans who are trying to steal our jobs and live off benefits.”
Clegg, who is now UKIP’s first ever MP, was this morning spotted in the courtyard of the Houses of Parliament where he said he was “just having a quick fag break”.
“I do love to puff on a fag. Don’t you find it astonishing that the nanny state won’t let us smoke indoors anymore – those Brussels bastards, eh?!” added Clegg, wearing a long grey overcoat and scowling at a passing Romanian lady.
Farage is reported to be delighted at the news. “Well, obviously little Cleggy here will have to go through a hazing ritual,” said the leader of UKIP today while holding the Deputy Prime Minister in a headlock and administering a nuggie. “So we’ll start by going over to the Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament headquarters where he’s going to officially endorse Trident. Come on Nick, put up a fight at least! Look! He’s starting to cry!”
“I guess this means I’m back to being in favour of scrapping tuition fees too,” said a sheepish Clegg. “I knew I should have never listened to David.”
The second EU debate to be held on the BBC is currently being reformatted so that Nigel Farage will have more time to say what he wants and Nick Clegg will have more opportunities to make him look competent and knowledgeable.