Ed Miliband has been urged by a consortium of left-leaning think tanks to make clear proposals of policies in the run up to the election, lay off the Tory bashing in the upcoming manifesto and seriously focus on the unrelenting rising price of a Freddo bar.
“It’s not enough to merely campaign on the basis of Tories being unpopular,” commented Neal Lawson, chairman of think tank Compass. “You need to address the core grievances of the electorate. For too long the rise in the price of a Freddo has gone unaddressed by successive governments.”
“In 2006 a Freddo bar could be purchased for just 10p but since then it has risen by 100% to 20p,” claims one scathing report. “While this is obviously good news for those who have bought Freddos as an investment vehicle, young Freddo buyers are being priced out of the market. There are now real worries of the current Freddo bubble crashing, leaving corner-shops devastated.”
“The issue of Freddos is very close to my heart,” said Ed Miliband. “As a regular, everyday bloke I often pop into my local corner shop to pick one up and I know the pain that people feel when they can no longer assume they have the change necessary to afford the delicious chocolate snack. Who else remembers when the caramel ones were called Taz bars?”
The Conservative party have already struck back, pointing out that it was Labour themselves who instigated the largest increase in the price of a Freddo in living memory. “The rise began under Labour and as usual we are being blamed for trying to sort out their mess. What Ed Miliband will never admit to is the ruin of the fine British institution that is pick ‘n’ mix, which we Conservatives are trying to revive.”
David Cameron was caught off guard last year when he was unable to say how much a Freddo currently costs. His aides pointed out that he had a Freddo machine in his house and so didn’t need to go to the shops to enjoy a fresh Freddo.