The National Maximum Wage was today increased to infinity-plus-one pounds, in a move that will see workers technically able to earn one pound more each hour than an infinite amount of money.
The move followed a recommendation from the High Pay Commission that the maximum wage should be increased from its current infinitely high limit. “We’ve heard from a lot of people that infinity pounds just isn’t enough, what with inflation and everything,” said Business Secretary Vince Cable. “So we’ve listened, and I’m pleased to announce that we have now raised the limit to infinity-plus-one. We do realise this is still infinity, but nevertheless, the limit has been raised.”
“I’m disappointed they’ve stuck to a limit with aleph-0 cardinality,” said Roger Grocant, owner of the Hilbert Grand Hotel. “The fact that bean-counters in Westminster can tell me I can’t earn more than infinity-plus-one pounds an hour is ludicrous. Why not just let the market decide how much money one individual can have while others struggle to survive?”
Economists are dubious about the benefits of the increase in the maximum wage. “Proportionally this is a 0% increase, so its completely meaningless,” said economist Sarah Beckett. “Especially on a day where the National Minimum Wage has increased by a comparatively massive 3% – when will the government stop punishing the rich and rewarding the poor?”
Rumours that the National Maximum Wage may be increased to infinity-times-infinity if the Conservatives win in 2015 are as yet unconfirmed.