The death of RMT General Secretary Bob Crow was condemned today by London Mayor Boris Johnson as ‘yet more disgusting strike action’. Crow’s death was called early this morning without warning, in a move that Johnson has called a ‘deliberate effort’ to sabotage negotiations on the future of the London Underground.
“This is just the sort of obstructive behaviour we’ve come to expect from Mr. Crow and his ilk,” said Johnson. “He thinks he can get away with shuffling off this mortal coil instead of trying to work out a deal. Well I think it’s time he called this silly death off so we can get back round the negotiating table.”
Reports indicate that Crow is now eternally sitting on a luxury, presumably taxpayer funded, cloud sipping a piña colada in lieu of engaging in constructive discussions with London Underground’s management. “He’s hung Londoners out to dry,” said Johnson. “You know his widow will be getting a huge pension payout from this? Sickening.”
This is not the first time the RMT have used intimidating mortality tactics in attempts to hold Londoners to ransom. Since its formation, thousands of union members have selfishly died and stopped turning up to work, willing to inconvenience millions of commuters in order to make a statement about the futility of our short existence in this meaningless universe and the introduction of automatic ticket machines.
Nevertheless, Crow’s funeral is expected to be picketed by RMT members who feel that he has abandoned them in their hour of need. “Bob Crow has finally crossed that Great Picket Line in the Sky,” said one RMT member. “The filthy scab.”
A replacement trade-unionist service will be running until the dispute is resolved.