The latest leaks from NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden today revealed that GCHQ, the UK online surveillance agency, have installed video cameras in every house in the country. The documents show that ‘operation telescreen’ was rolled out across the country last year while you popped out to the shops and has been feeding a live broadcast of your every action straight to the government ever since.
“If we can’t see what everybody in the country is doing at all times then the terrorists will strike again” said a state operative who wished to remain anonymous. “If you have a problem with this then please sigh deeply or roll your eyes and our agents will note your response and add your name to the list.”
The agency was quick to reassure British citizens that they couldn’t possibly look at all the feeds at once but instead have merely recorded the footage so they can look over it at their leisure if they decide you’re doing something wrong.
Member of the public are understandably baffled by the revelation. “Im sorry. Why is this a news story?” said busy shoppers on Oxford Street. “Of course they have to watch everything we do. What if someone wants to do something illegal? I really wish people would stop drawing attention to this Orwellian nightmare that’s obviously coming soon. Just let us live our lives in peace.”
The government has pledged to review the process and will upgrade the cameras in the coming months to included a speaker that shouts “What are you trying to hide?!” at people who try to whisper to each other instead of speaking in a clear, even tone while facing the camera.